15 Aug Sexual Communication : Unlocking the Path to Mindful Intimacy & Sexual Fulfillment
Sexual Communication Skills
Sexual Communication Skills
Let’s talk about sexual wellness. The most important pillar of sex. The part you are most responsible for. Your own sexual health and wellness. Sexual wellness is not just contraception, STIs and consent, darlings.
Nope, it’s an entire state of mind and body that enables you to enjoy and explore sex on your own terms and in your own time. It’s self-connection, self-love and self-honesty, a journey of empowerment where you can communicate your desires and boundaries with clarity, consciousness, intention and confidence.
In this blog post, we’ll delve into the realm of sexual wellness and the crucial role of effective verbal communication in achieving mindful and pleasurable sexual intimacy.
The Story that Sparked a Shift
Sexual wellness is an expansive and explorative journey of your body and heart. Listening to your body and being really honest with what you feel and hear from the inside out is crucial. It’s being in-tune with yourself so that Yes really means Yes. Knowing yourself to make empowered decisions in the present moment. Truly sinking in and receiving the pleasure you want and deserve. To be ‘sexually well’ is not simply the absence of disease or dysfunction, it’s how we feel healthy in our ability and tools to communicate what feels good and safe for us. That’s not a one size fits all kinda metaphorical condom, no siree bob.
Let’s begin with a story. Once upon a time, about 6 years ago, I had a simple conversation that changed both our lives. I was living in Guatemala in a meditation retreat and I was walking with a friend. We were sharing stories of recent sexual experiences. She told me about a person she recently had an encounter with, and it didn’t feel right for her. That she had sex and she didn’t fully want to. I immediately felt defensive and protective of my friend, but then she said something that gave me goosebumps.
“I raped myself.”
What!?
My stomach dropped and she continued to share how time and time again she would say yes to intimacy and intercourse without really wanting it. That she didn’t stop it, didn’t speak up, got started but was feeling unsure if she really wanted to continue exploring with that person, but did so anyways. The absence of open communication and self-connection left her feeling violated in her own body. She felt she did it to herself. It shook me. It shook us both. Because I realized that I had been doing the same for years. For decades. Just letting it happen because it wasn’t a clear no. I wanted to but maybe wasn’t ready for penetration, or this or that. I wanted to but needed more attention, or juiciness, or coconut oil, or talking first, or foreplay, or just to breathe. But I continued. I let it continue.
This is not to downplay actual violent acts of unwanted intercourse where it’s nonconsensual and someone takes advantage of someone else. Please don’t think I’m comparing anything here. I am validating this woman’s experience of feeling truly violated and her realizing that she was doing it to herself by not speaking up with what she was feeling or needing. Carrying forward to avoid conflict or rejection. And I’m here to tell you, I can relate. Many of us can relate. We were two women walking home from a meditation course. This wasn’t a drunken Spring Break chat. We are long-time practitioners of mindfulness and this was an aspect that we did not honor in ourselves.
Positive Change : An Awakening
Taking a step towards sexual wellness begins with listening to your body. And acknowledging your needs, desires and feelings. And setting the intention to communicate effectively. And then doing it. Tuning into your own needs and being honest with yourself. This self-awareness forms the foundation of empowered decision-making in the present moment.
So, I followed the call. I realized that I was allowing intimacy to unfold without speaking up about what I wanted or didn’t want. And I didn’t want to do that to myself anymore. I didn’t want to violate my body ever again. But that required a whole change in my social and cultural norm of communication. You don’t see in romantic movies the man begin to grasp the woman’s breast and her speak up and say, “a little gentler please,” and then they continue on in pleasure. Things just “flow.” “Perfectly.”
It’s “bullshit.”
That’s just not real life. Your clitoral sensitivity is different than mine. Your nipples needs are different than mine. And most likely both are different than how another human assumes it is when they begin exploring. No one knows unless we guide, speak up, and offer our sexy AF truth.
A New Language of Communication
Embracing effective sexual communication involves learning a new language of vulnerability and honesty. If this is all new for you, speaking up and communicating around what your body is really wanting and not wanting, it is indeed an act of courage to express yourself. It can be scary to say “I want it more like this,” or, “this is hurting me.”
Even still, I experience partners that stop entirely because they feel rejected when I give them a hint of feedback. It’s awkward sometimes. But let me tell you, it’s fucking amazing when we begin to get comfortable and they see that listening to my feedback gives me so much pleasure and that they’re figuring out the magical ecstasy buttons of my body.
Guiding your partner to navigate the landscape of your pleasure may initially feel uncomfortable; but the journey is transformative. Yes, we have different communication styles, how we communicate our sexual likes and dislikes, maybe we love to express ourselves non-verbally, or prefer to dive into the archives of sexual behavior preferences and all that jazz before or after intimacy, and the communication styles of our sexual partner may be different from us as well.
Ride the waves. Be open to exploring, to listening and speaking up. Because communication about sex ultimately leads to mutually satisfying sexual adventures. It is, indeed, an adventure. Surfs up. Don’t be afraid of the ocean of possibilities. You are worthy of incredibly fulfilling sexual experiences, honest communication, and deeply satisfying connections.
The Power of Framing it with Flavor
Let me give you a lil tip, Queen. Frame it in sexiness. When communicating your particular preferences or desires of touch and play, you can wrap it up in a sexy satin bow of how juicy it makes you. Add a touch of sensuality to your words. For example, How much it turns you on to be _______ just like that. It really helps to get specific. I’ll tell you what I like to say to new sexual partners,
“Can I share with you something that I really enjoy before making love? [Put on your sexy voice and mean it.] I would really love if you would massage my body, starting with my back and ending with my thighs and ass. It gets me really relaxed and into my body. You can read me, I’ll start moving my hips as I’m getting more juicy and turned on.” Sometimes I ask to be licked first, that I really enjoy at least 10 or 15 minutes of foreplay before penetration. And I get so swollen and juicy it’s like having sex with a wet rose. And if he could please just quickly verbally check in before entering me.
Normalizing Communication
Effective sexual communication is essential not only for women but for men as well. It bridges the gap between partners, allowing them to explore each other’s bodies and desires with understanding and respect. It’s a pathway to pleasure, connection, and fulfilling relationships.
Do you know how I know what I love and what feels good for me, and how to express it to a partner? Because over the years my dear friends and I talk about our bodies, our preferences, our terrible experiences (with one friend we call it a “Coconut Oil Situation” where more coconut oil was needed), how and if we masterbate, what went wrong and what went right. I take notes when I hear how one friend explains something to her partner.
It’s uncomfortable, probably every time, to speak up and make myself vulnerable and talk about how I like to be licked or touched, sucked, choked, nibbled, kissed, grabbed, spanked, caressed and loved on. But you know what, it’s freakin important. It’s important for us as women that deserve a voice. We need to exercise this voice. It’s important for men, because how else are they supposed to learn what we want? It’s important for the future generations to normalize communication around intimacy. It’s important for ourselves, because we deserve to feel all the pleasure in the world. We deserve to have great sex. Great relationships. Great communication. And that takes practice. And vulnerability. And ultimately self-honesty and self-care. It’s all a practice. So get started.
Normalizing open communication around intimacy contributes to greater self-awareness and healthier sexual relationships not only for you, but for the world around you. For your community and for our future child and grandchildren’s experience in their future sexual expression. May we all feel safe and respected in our bodies and our needs, in all ways, always.
Note to Men
Are you looking for a really sexually awake woman that wants to lick you and ride you like a king? Guess what, it’s every woman. Every woman that graces you with her consensual presence if you take this delicious and divine opportunity to truly dive into her body, ask, listen, and give her the particular flavor of pleasure that she is craving. Use your fire to warm up her water and she’ll share with you an ocean of ecstasy. Every woman is a sexual goddess that has incredible amounts of sexiness if you take the time to honor her like the queen she is.
Conclusion
Sexual wellness is a journey that encompasses self-connection, open-communication, and self-honesty. By embracing vulnerability and expressing your desires and boundaries, you empower yourself to experience pleasure, connection, and joy in your healthy sexual experiences. Remember, every woman deserves to have her voice heard and her desires fulfilled. It’s a sacred and sensual practice that enriches relationships and enhances the quality of intimate connections, not to mention your own divine connection to your body temple. So, embrace the transformative power and effective sexual communication and embark on a journey towards greater sexual wellness. May your spirit take orgasmic delight in your own greatest self-love and deeply embodied pleasure.
Sexual Communication Skills
9 Master Secrets for Feeling More Intuitive, Inspired and Empowered
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.